This will be my second divorce, and I'm 31 years old. With three kids. Yes, I'm going to be that person. My current husband and I had twins in 2020, and my 11 year old is the product of rape at 19, but my ex-husband has (knowingly) taken responsibility for him since then, and we have had 50/50 custody.
I will insist on 50/50 in this divorce as well https://onlinedivorcer.com/blog/how-to-keep-your-401k-in-a-divorce. I don't want to take my children away from their father and my oldest from his stepfather. However, it was my almost 12 year old who finally said what I needed to hear to make the final decision to leave. I had been thinking about leaving for over 3 years, putting it off now and then, but I was just always afraid of uprooting my oldest son again when he finally had a stable life.
But one day he came home from a health class at school where there was a guest speaker who talked about red flags and unhealthy relationships, and in such an adult way he told me how fighting affects him and causes him anxiety, and although he "likes" his stepfather, he thinks we should "maybe just break up, maybe it's time for you two to break up, marriage therapy hasn't worked, separation hasn't worked, maybe you should just leave him to mom."
I sat on this for a couple of weeks. And after another petty argument that ended with my oldest son witnessing me sobbing, I finally made up my mind. Today I told my husband it was over. We have been married for 2 years and have lived together for 7 years. He didn't take it very well, as you can imagine. I am his first wife and the first woman he has cohabitated with besides his mom and sisters (he is 40 years old). I was the first woman he brought home to his family when he was 33 years old.
I could use words of encouragement because the next 12 months or so will be horrible.
I will never get married again. No serious relationship. My tubes are tied. I will only have lovers and friends. I will be happy to die surrounded by my children and (possibly) grandchildren. Even great-grandchildren, if I'm so lucky.
My whole life has been a trauma, from being raised in foster care to an abusive relationship, and I'm just ready to live for myself in the time I have left on this earth.
Edit: oh okay, give me the downvotes instead of support, thought this sub was supposed to be supportive. Apparently not. Anyway, thanks.